There is no pain worse than the pain of your child.
I was prepared for the surgery, for handing over my son and watching the nurses carry him down the hall to the OR. I was prepared for the wait. We did this all with the MRI. I was not prepared for the afterwards…for the heartache of watching my little Jack in pain, confused and hurting.
Kids hurt themselves. Our daughter dislocated her elbow when she was 18 months old. Sitting in the ER waiting for the doctor was hard. She was in pain. But I knew that it would end soon, that the Doctor would come in, set it right and she would be OK. It wasn’t like that with Jack. Holding him in my arms, his little back a war-zone, I saw no end. One surgery is one to many. Jack still has one more to go and a series of expansions in between.
He basically has two breast-implant-like bladders under his skin above and below the nevus (congenital mole) that is going to be removed, and two external ports where bladders will slowly (over the course of the next 10-12 weeks) be filled with saline. It’s not like he had a surgery to fix some internal problem, it is all there on the surface of his back. Holding him, changing his diaper, changing his clothes was nearly impossible on Friday. The worst part was putting him in his carseat to take him home, I could barely see the buckles through my tears. And then when I had to lift him out at home. Oh God. That was tough.
He slept most of the night Friday. He and I camped out in the living room and I fell asleep to the sound of his soft breathing and the wind whistling snow around our house.
Friday: in the car on the way home. Sleeping and snuggling at home.
Saturday morning he was a little better, I was able to lay him down and change his diaper without much whimpering on his part (or mine). He cracked a timid smile at my husband.
Saturday
And Sunday he was better still. He giggled at me when I played peek-a-boo with him. Today it is safe to say he is almost back to himself.
Sunday
Today
I am amazed at the resiliency of his little body. That boy. He is brave. And me, I am learning that I too am brave; that there is a God-given strength for moments like this. Though the fear and the pain and the heartache are very real and very big, I believe that my God is bigger and He is with me.
Good things happened this weekend too:) Like a blizzard, hot chocolate, snowmen and breakfast in bed.
-Sarah
Oh, Sarah, what a touching post. My heart is breaking with you… I can’t imagine how awful that must have been. You’re so right, God is bigger than the pain. I hope you find lots of comfort and support through these challenges!
Kids are resilient… Us mommies and grandmas, less so
I’m so happy that Jack is through step 1 of this process!
Sandra Laflamme says
Thinking of you Sarah!! I know that the love from you and your husband and daughter will help Jack find his happiness and smiles through the pain. You and your love are strong. Hugs.
tri-grandma-try says
It is hard watching both of you go through this. I wish I could wave my magic wand and have the issue be gone…but, I don’t have one. But we do have God with us in the midst of life, trials and pain, our strong tower! Love you all, and praying.
Happy Fit Mama (@happyfitmama) says
I’m always amazed at how tough babies and little kids are. I always think they are like porcelain dolls, ready to shatter at the slightest touch. Your little guy is strong and brave. I’m so glad things are getting better with each and every day. Hugs to all!
Kids and babies continue to amaze me with their resiliency. They are pretty incredible and strong. My son had very minor surgery when he was 1 but I remember the pain and disorientation after surgery and I felt so helpless. Jack is one brave little boy and my thoughts are with you and your family.
Jack is so so strong and so is his mama. I am thinking of you guys constantly <3
What a moving post! As a Mom, I know how hard it is to watch our kids suffer. I’m so happy that your sweet Jack is bouncing back quickly from his surgery. I hope that he continues to heal without any problems!
Love the photos! He’s such a cutie! And, Mark and Sophia look like they had lots of fun!!
This is so beautiful. And spoken from the heart. You’ve been in my thoughts more than you know the last week. Happy to hear that things are improving - day by day. Love you, friend.
Amanda Naro (@amandanaro) says
Can’t help but tear up when I read your posts about what’s going on with Jack. You both are such troopers - but especially him. It must be so hard with him not knowing whats going on. Seems his recovery time was good - hope all continue to goes well with him!
I wish I could make all his pain go away (and yours too). I know this is tough on you but he’s looking better and better everyday. Hang in there mama! You’re doing great (and so is he)!
hollyccoop says
Still thinking about you all! Praying that God just continues to look over you all on Jack’s journey! We know a family who had to go through the same process of skin expansion for their little girl, her nevus covered a large percentage of her face. She is about 3 years old now, and she’s doing great