On Friday I successfully ran two miles. This came after I had to cut Tuesday’s planned two-miler down to one. I have mixed feelings about the run. I was really pleased and thankful that my pelvic floor felt good the whole time. I also felt disappointed and discouraged. The first mile felt good: at 10 min/mile pace I was breathing easy and focusing on my cadence. This feeling carried into the second mile. At the 1.5 mile mark I rasied the incline to 4% my heart rate increased and I felt like I was working hard. I kept the incline at 4% for a quarter mile or 2.5 minutes. Those 2.5 minutes felt LONG. I was watching the treadmill display screen the whole time waiting for the 1.75 mark when I knew I would drop the incline back down. Even when I dropped the incline back down to zero I wanted to quit. It was hard. Way harder than I thought it would be. Honestly I wanted to step off the treadmill. I was feeling fatigued, out of breath, my legs were tired.
For that last half mile I was looking at my Wall of Inspiration, telling myself I WILL get back there at some point. But I have a long road ahead of me: if two miles feels difficult it is going to take a while for 10 miles to feel easy-for 26.2 to be an attainable goal. Which is understandable. Pregnancy changes everything.
I guess I thought I could outsmart it. That pregnancy wouldn’t change everything if I didn’t let it (this is a loaded sentence that is probably a whole other post in and of itself). I was under the impression that if I ran up until delivery that I would have a better chance of maintaining my fitness postpartum. What I didn’t anticipate was all the pelvic floor issues I’ve had. So it has been over two months since I’ve run. I’ve kept up cardio with walking and riding the recumbent bike, but even though it helps maintain fitness, it’s not running.
When I was stretching out after my run I felt exhausted, like I had just completed a long run. I felt a little queazy too-which is odd because I never feel that way after a run. My stomach settled back down after I hydrated and ate something, but that fatigued feeling stuck with me the rest of the night.
It’s hard for my mind to accept where my body is right now. Because in my mind I am capable of lacing up my shoes and easily running 10 or more miles. But my body is in a much different place. I need to build strength in my legs and cardiovascular fitness. This is going to take time. Especially if I want to avoid injury or strain on my pelvic floor.
I have to remind myself that my road to recovery is my own. I have to remind myself not to compare myself to other runners who have bounced back after having a baby much more quickly than I have. I have to let go of the expectations I had of myself before delivery and just listen to my body. I have to learn to quiet the voice inside me that tells me to push, push, push. There will be a time and a place for that voice, it just isn’t now.
Have you ever had to come back from an injury or a long period of not running? How did you do it? What advice do you have for people returning after a running hiatus?
-Sarah
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I guess that your body (and mind) will need time to adjust to running again. Maybe just focus on enjoying the running and the distance will be back eventually?
John, you are right. I need to focus on the joy of running and not put to much pressure on myself. The distance will come with time. I just have to trust my body.
Sarah says
Hey,
Love reading your blog!
I, like you, have a new little one at home-2 months old tomorrow. I was unable to run during pregnancy and am struggling with the reality of returning to running. Especially, when other running moms seem to bounce back super fast… It’s hard not to compare, you’re definitely right about that. But… I try to remember that I’m a new mom and it’s ok that things aren’t going according to plan (easier said than done). Congrats on your new little one and good luck with running, I’m rooting for ya!
Returning to running has been so different this pregnancy compared to my first. It’s been harder. My body fell apart a little more. Especially my pelvic floor. Theres a lot of pressure to “not let pregnancy change you” either your body or your exercise routine, but the truth is that it does. We have to embrace the changes and not reject them:)
I love your line, “the truth is pregnancy changes you. we have to embrace the change.” During my pregnancy and postpartum, I feel like my motivation to run long distance has totally changed. My heart isn’t in the challenge anymore. I would much rather run quick so I can do other things with my family. And, I often think, “am I not a real runner then?”
I was so determined to not let pregnancy change me. Which seems so stupid now. I mean, really Sarah?!? It was my second pregnancy and if I think about it I PR’d in every distance after my first pregnancy. I guess I though I could maintain something close to my PR level of fitness thru my pregnancy and be able to pick up where I left off. Not really smart or true. I’m sure that I will PR after this pregnancy, just not in the next few months. Maybe it will take a year?
I couldn’t agree more - I had trouble leaving AJ for most of his first year. I would ONLY leave for a long run when he was asleep b/c I didn’t want to be away from him for too long. I found it hard to focus on the run b/c my mind was on him the whole time (when I knew he was awake). I am running into that again right now - which is why I’m hesitant to sign up for an early marathon in 2013…we shall see =)
I’m dealing with something similar right now but DURING pregnancy. I ran this weekend and just felt so blah. I really thought I’d be one of those women that ran her entire pregnancy but sometimes our bodies have different plans for us.Now I worry about how running will be postpartum, how long will it take to get back to my pre-pregnancy PRs, will I ever get back to the same fitness level with a new baby to take care of, all the things I’m sure most of us have thought about. It’s scary but you’re right we need to embrace the changes because we’ve been given such a great gift, a child.
Carissa, my recovery after my first child was much different than this second pregnancy. The first time I ran very little through my pregnancy and returned to running gradually. I really had no expectations for myself, but the PR’s started to come about 9 months after Sophia’s birth. This time around I ran through pregnancy, had really high expectations and the recovery has seemed agonizingly slow. Probably because I set all kinds of postpartum goals for myself during pregnancy. Waiting. Listening to your body. Embracing the change. Taking it gradually that is the way to go.
I’m just starting to run again-my little guy is 6 weeks old and I, too, have a “long” run of 2 miles, that felt hard. I don’t know if it’s an option for you, but when I’m getting back into it, I much prefer to run outside so I can run more intuitively-by what feels good and I don’t look at my watch and just run. But if I’m glued to the time and distance, it feels so much harder. Or you could cover up your treadmill display. But try to enjoy running even when it’s hard. It’ll come back. Don’t beat yourself up now.
I too prefer running outside. But my free time right now is during naptime. I was able to get out for an outside two miler on Sunday, but I went a little too fast. Which is why the treadmill is also good for me right now: helps me take it easy.
Gina@runnersky says
I’m amazed at your dedication to fitness. Give it time and enjoy the little ones. Fitness will come back, but little moments with the babies won’t. Take it from a grandma who knows. Live in the moment.
Thanks Gina! I’m always learning to live in the moment, instead if being in such a hurry to get it all done. But I do miss the meditative aspect of running, for me it’s not just about fitness. When I run outside (not so much on the treadmill) it’s a time for me to think and pray and connect with God. I’m confined to a treadmill these days so that I Keep the pace slow so I don’t over do it.
I totally know how you feel! I also didn’t run through my first pregnancy, yet I remember getting back into running seemed to easy. This time seems like it will be a lot harder, but that might just be our increased expectations!
A little off topic, but I emailed Tasha Mulligan (the Hab-It creator) and told her my whole history and she recommended I do the advanced program for three weeks before running. I’m going to order it. I’ll let you know what I think!
I’m really interested to see what you thoughts are in the advanced program. I’m doing the DVD every-other day now. It seems that doing it before running did contribute to the slack/weak feeling I had.
Oh, that’s tough! I remembering feeling that way post-partum, too… my mind thought I was capable of much more than my body was! It’s hard to have patience, but you will get back there. I would try to let yourself run easy miles that feel easy for a few weeks and don’t worry about pace and intensity… you’ll need less recovery, and will soon be able to add the intensity back in. But I know it’s hard not to push yourself. 🙂
So glad you’re joining the virtual race series!
Nicole Culver (@NicoleCulver) says
i feel the exact same way! i picked up 5 pound weights monday and i swear they felt like they were 15s. I couldn’t believe how heavy they felt! We will get back to where we were. 🙂
NC says
Hello! First of all your blog is terrific, it has certainly inspired me throughout my current pregnancy (I am now at 39+ weeks). Although I have been blessed to be physically able to run throughout my pregnancy with few set backs, initially it was very difficult to see my times slow and heart rate soar! As a former pro-athlete and accomplished endurance runner it was difficult to retrain my brain to just check out and not worry about times/distance/pace etc. I have also been through a few nasty injuries and the road back has been riddled with frustration mainly due to my mind telling me I should have no problems “bouncing back” and putting in 70+ miles every week! What I found got me through was (1) running by feel rather than focusing about pace/time (2) ditching my Garmin temporarily, (3) ditching my HRM, and (4) giving myself an “out” every 10 minutes or so. What I found is that mentally I felt better knowing it was okay to stop if I just did not feel good and that the majority of the time I was able to push through that 10 minute mark. I also put a towel over the control panel of the treadmill when running indoors. Best of luck to you and just like all of the other ladies say….be patient you will get back to where you once were fitness-wise and probably exceed that!!!
I’m glad i’ve been able to inspire:-) I love all your suggestions, running by feel is a great tip. That’s how I ran when I first started, but when you get competitive you sometimes loose that. Pregnancy is a time to get back to that. I like your 10 min rule too, I’ve been doing mile increments on the treadmill instead of outside since it is easier to quit if I need to. Thanks again for commenting and sharing your advice!
I was so frustrated post-partum with how my body wouldn’t “cooperate” with me. I too thought that if I worked out through my pregnancy, I would bounce back to normal right away. I so wish that someone would have told me more about the physical challenges post-partum. It too me a while to get back into it but you’re right in that you WILL get back there. It may take longer than you anticipated but you will get there and it’s your own journey.
Right now, I’m getting back into running after having knee surgery earlier this year. It’s been hard because again I’ve had to slow down and ease my way back into it at a much slower pace than I anticipated. I’m trying to be smart and listen to my body rather than just push through it. I know that I have a lot to work out before I’m back to where I was pre-surgery but I’m thankful that I can still run. I’ve tried to not think about timelines in terms of where I want/expect to be in my recovery by X date and instead focus on the progress that I am making. Good luck!
Christine, thanks so much for stopping by to comment. It is frustrating when you mind and body seem to be on different pages. And you are totally right about it being our own journey: every woman is different, we all have to embrace that difference. I think sometimes we are inspired by others, raise our expectations of ourselves-which is a good thing-but forget to realize that we are all so different. Grace. We need to have grace for ourselves and really get to know our bodies (and minds). I think that is a lifelong journey:-)
Christina says
I have noticed this same issue in a bit of a different scenario. I was not a runner before having baby (June 2013) but I was very, very active. I started walking in 5k races when I was 6 months pregnant for fun (each race I worked to beat the previous race time…all under 45 mins). I also had pelvic floor and SI joint issues during pregnancy that often made walking long and fast distances painful. But, by the time I had the baby, I was motivated to start running.
At 1 week post partum Started the Couch to 5k program. I finished the program without any issues or problems. In fact, I ran my first 5k at just 6 weeks post partum and felt great!
I started a 10k trainer almost immediately after that first race. The first week of training (cycles of 10:1 x 4) was not bad but since then, training has gotten increasingly difficult (cycles of 15:1 x 3 And 17:1 x 3) with increased strains, fatigue and pain. I don’t want to give up but this is not enjoyable like training for the 5k was. I’m assuming this “difficulty” is from the post partum body depleting pregnancy hormones.