Better Body Image I always wanted better body image. For a very long time I thought wearing a sports bra on a hot summer run was reserved for women who had lean, fit bodies and I wasn't one of them. I really wanted to be able to ditch that top layer, that feels like a weight vest sometimes when the humidity is suffocating. Mostly, I wanted to be confident enough to pull it off, even if my ... Read More
Our family doesn't eat Thanksgiving dinner until 7pm. So the kids are napping now, preparing for a late night. And I'm sitting here thinking. Thinking about all the things that I'm thankful for: family, yes. Health, yes. A new home, yes. Good friends, yes. Prosperity and comfort and the advantages afforded to me simply because I was born in the USA. All of that. But mostly I'm thankful ... Read More
I used to balk at the idea that media played a part in my eating disorder. Somehow an admittance to pop culture's influence felt like it made me the victim. I didn't feel like a victim and I didn't want to be labeled as one. Now that I look back, I see that popular media did in fact influence my perception of myself at an age when I really didn't know who I was. Pinned to my dorm room closet ... Read More
Two weeks ago I ran The Eastern States 20 Miler in 2:33. That’s the fastest I’ve ever run 20 miles...in my entire life. I had a great run. The weather was beautiful, perfect even. I’d spent the weekend connecting with a friend. Everything was good. Until I saw this picture: When the race photo popped up in my Facebook feed the night of the race and I instantly felt dissatisfied, everything ... Read More
I am often asked what changed? How, after a nine year struggle with Bulimia, did I finally manage to break free? The answer isn't simple. For every step forward in my recovery it seemed there were two steps back, and detours, and loops that seemed to put me right back where I started. When it comes to recovery from an eating disorder, there is no straightforward answer, no clear-cut solution, ... Read More
Sometimes it's good to go back and re-read old posts. I wrote this post two years ago, right around eight months postpartum with my son Jack. At the time, I had lost most of the baby weight and I wanted to ditch the rest. I felt conflicted, as you'll read. And I'm feeling the same conflict now: I've lost most of the baby weight, but would like to ditch the rest. I know that it will come ... Read More
Six years ago I couldn't indulge without purging. Indulging in my mind, meant too many calories and that meant gaining weight and that meant getting "fat." And I didn't want any of that. So indulging meant bingeing and bingeing meant purging. If I ate more that I was "supposed to" (which was largely distorted and completely unquantifiable) then guilt would ensue and gilt would lead to fear and ... Read More
This add recently popped up on the sidebar of my Facebook page. And it got under my skin. It is so misleading. I thought. Chances are the photo shoot for this ad has been on this woman's calendar for a while. And for the past few months she's been hitting the gym, maybe even twice a day. She's probably cut all carbs from her diet and is subsisting on steamed broccoli and chicken. She's ... Read More
The first semester of my freshman year at Syracuse I took Nutrition 101 (at the time I was majoring in Nutritional Science with intentions of becoming and RD). The professor was this fiery old lady. She must have been in her seventies and she was all spunk and sass and had been teaching the course forever. I don't remember her name...or much of the details of college for that matter. Not because I ... Read More
I've seen it a lot (I've done it myself): the post-race picture of a beer and hamburger with the caption "After running xx miles I deserve this!" Or the glass of wine or the brownie sundae or the pizza or the countless other foods that "we shouldn't eat" because they aren't "clean," but we do eat when we want to reward ourselves...when we have "earned" it. I'm not sure why, perhaps it is my ... Read More
