I recently polled my audience to find out how many people knew a loved one struggled with or had struggled with an eating disorder themselves. The overwhelming response (94%) was "yes," which considering it is topic I frequently talk about is not so surprising. However what did surprise me was that fact that as many as 50% of the people polled didn't know how to help a struggling friend or loved ... Read More
I think we all want to achieve balance in our lives. At times it seems illusive: we want less stress, but we don’t want to feel disconnected. We want to make more money, but we don’t want to lose time with our family. Balance means different things to different people and to a former bulimic balance is difficult terrain to navigate. Bulimia is a game of extremes: you binge on large amounts of ... Read More
My husband Mark and I have talked about his side of my nine-year struggle with bulimia. With nearly eight years of sobriety, I'm in a place now where I don't feel embarrassed by the details of my past. Yes, it still makes me cringe but it has shaped who I am today. The struggle has built strength. And for that, I can appreciate my journey, though I would not wish it on anyone. Mark has been by my ... Read More
For nine years I waged war on my body and my weight in the form of anorexia and bulimia. For me it was a year-round battle, but the Holidays were especially hard. But “hard” isn’t even the right word, the Holidays were a time of anxiety, fear, guilt and depression. The Holidays were a perfect storm for me: all the food that I was fighting against right there in front of me from the end of November ... Read More
How did you stop? It's a question I get asked frequently by women who are in the midst of a struggle that I know all to well. Though the memory of it has faded, when I close my eyes and think back to where I was almost six years ago my heart aches for the woman I used to be. I was trapped. A prisoner to the addiction of bulimia. Out of control and unable to stop my destructive behavior, every ... Read More
I am often asked "what changed?" "How did you go from being bulimic to recovering and finding freedom?" It question that demands an in depth answer. I always give that answer to the best of my ability to anyone who asks. And each time I talk about my recovery from a nine-year struggle with bulimia and offer advice it always starts with the statement: don't be afraid. Don't be afraid to ask for ... Read More
There was a time when I was incredibly unhappy. My husband would ask, "what's wrong?" and my answer would always be "I just feel so fat" or "I've made myself throw up the past few days." So often was this my response that my husband didn't really need to ask, he already knew. That was, what feels like ages ago...a different-person-ago. Now when my husband asks "what's wrong," my response ... Read More
I used to dread Holidays. It had nothing to do with family and everything to do with me and my relationship with food. A bulimic does not handle Holidays (and all the food that they entail) well. I knew, no matter how hard I tried, I wouldn't be able to resist the temptation to binge or purge, so in a way I planned on it. The binge would start at Thanksgiving in November, continue with Christmas ... Read More
For the past two weeks I have been counting calories. As someone with a history of an eating disorder this can be a dangerous thing. For this very reason, as a rule, I don't count calories. But two weeks ago I realized I would not be returning to running as quickly as I expected and I began to doubt my body's ability to get back to its pre-pregnancy weight without my normal activity level. I ... Read More
So what does freedom from an eating disorder look like? In my last post I talked about the freedom that I now have from bulimia. But “freedom” is a bit vague. It can be frustrating When you are actively in recovery, it can be frustrating for people who have already recovered to toss around words like “freedom.” When I was in recovery I always found myself wondering, How did you get there? and What ... Read More
